belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
