don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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