...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
