I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
