I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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