puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
