I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize