i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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