I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
