Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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