If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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