Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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