I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
