He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
