Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize