how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
