What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
