And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
