genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
