I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
