so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize