also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
