Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
