There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
birth control should be required to get into college
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
