Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
