dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
