Slut skills are useful in every country.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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