Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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