I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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