So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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