Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Boobs speak an international language.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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