is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
