They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
