nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
