Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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