i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
