Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
