good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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