Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
