My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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