I wish you could order shots online.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
