Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
