I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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