I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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