maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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