just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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