Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
