The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
