If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
