i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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