lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
