Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
