I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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