Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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