literally had 100 drinks last night.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
