either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
