Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Houston, we have a blender
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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