when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
