You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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