How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Randomize
