i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize