omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
