Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
