She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
