I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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