So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
