I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize