im gay
i know
yea but for you.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
