Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
too bad you live with your parents still
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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