i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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