Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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