singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
