apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
