so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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