mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
