i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
