Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ugly people sure do ruin things
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
