IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
