Christians are straight up FREAKS
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
