I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
