chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
