just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We need to rekindle our bromance
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
