Having a random hookup so left but love u
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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