I faked an abortion last night.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
