it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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