and next time when you feel me up, do it right
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
