please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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