Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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