don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize