Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
