we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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