Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
