Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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