At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
