:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
