Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize