fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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