Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize