Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
