Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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