Yo dont text me then not text me
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
