Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
