i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
