so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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