I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
