what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
